Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Happy 22nd Birthday to KELLY!
I hope you do exactly what you want to do on this beautiful Tuesday. Enjoy it to the absolute fullest. You are my best friend and my lover.
cept not so much lover. Damn that pesky twat of yours! I love you! DO IT UP DAWG!
Now back to me...
:)
I don't know why, but I am having the worst day on the planet. I feel sad, angry, lonely, and just about every other nasty emotion possible in the human body. I don't get it. I woke up alive and rested (although I only got 5 hours of sleep) and ready to tackle my shit day. I am starting to get a headache and I have done nothing to make it go away. I haven't done even a second of Christmas shopping and we are just about a week away. I don't want to spend the money and I know that the money I will spend will not be enough for me to do anything really special for my family. It is a bit frustrating, but not one of the reasons why I am miserable today.
Will get to all of this in a minute.
I walked into the Gap last night with my mind made up. I was giving my two weeks notice and that was that! So I sit down with my General Manager and this is how the convesation went:
Me: Hi Kat. Thank you again for being so supportive and flexible with my schedule over the last week. I truly appreciate it.
Kat: No problem Joe. We are here for you as your boss and as your friend.
Me: (gagging) Right. Um...ok. Unfortunately, I think Saturday is going to be my last day.
Kat: What?? Why is that?
Me: Well, you see, I am unable to work from 12/23 - 1/3 (BIG NO NO in the seasonal retail world) and then after that, my availability is going to change drastically because I will be rehearsing for an upcoming show. (or so I thought last night)
Kat: Ok. Why can't you work during the week after Christmas?
Me: I want to spend the time with my family and my brother. He is here for two weeks and considering the fact that I haven't seen him in almost a year, I think it would be appropriate for me to spend as much time with him as I can.
Kat: Well, I understand completely where you are coming from and I would like you to know that we value you immensely as an employee here. I want you to stay on at least through the season. Take all the time you need over Christmas and New Years. I will put you back on the schedule starting on January 3rd.
Me: (UGH! I can't quit this job to save my life!) Wow. That is incredibly generous of you.
Kat: What would your availability be once you returned on January 3rd?
Me: I have full availability from 1/3 - 1/10, but after that I am only able to work Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 6-11pm and then Saturdays from 12-6pm. It's not much and I know you hired me for seasonal, but that is what I am going to have to do.
Kat: I think that's fine. We would rather have you on staff than not, so why don't you write down this new availability and I will work around it.
Me: (UM!) Ok...thank you so much for being so understanding and helpful. When does the season end?
Kat: Seasonal employees are hired for about 3 months and then depending on the stores' needs, you may or may not be asked to join us full time. (meaning part time hours, but full gap employee status)(my biggest nightmare on the planet)
Me: Great. Then I guess we can meet by the end of January to discuss my future employment here.
Kat: Sounds good to me. And again Joe, I want you to know that we really do value the work you do here. It does not go unnoticed.
We hug.
----END SCENE----
It is quite clear to me that I am going to be working at the Gap for the rest of my life. You would think that one fake sick day, one fake death, and then completely changing my availability to suit my needs and my needs alone would be cause enough for a firing. But no! These people love me more for it.
Ah geez...on the plus side...I will still be making cash, which is nice. My last paycheck was for $412 and that looks very nice sitting in my savings account. :)
My goal is to have $1000 in there before this whole Gap thing is through.
I can't wait to work my last shift there on Saturday. The 10 days off from both of my jobs is just about the best Christmas present I could ever get.
Thank you for being born baby Jeebus.
I had a wonderful conversation with my mother this morning. She made me laugh pretty hard and she assisted in making this day just a bit better for me. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to stop the avalanche that is my personal strength today.
Tumbling and rolling down the mountain goes my optimistic view on life.
Kelly and I had a talk this morning about the show she and Megan are putting up next year. They are now doing three different shows that will perform at three different times throughout the year. Originally they were going to start work on a show called
Stupid Kids in January. I did this show in college and it was by FAR my favorite script to work with. It is a wonderful play, so complex and intriguing. It's a true audience favorite as well. I was very VERY excited to come back from Christmas and start work on this.
Unfortunately, Kelly tells me this morning that they have now decided to start work on this show in late April. They will be doing another show called Sexual Perversity in Chicago first. Work on this production will begin sometime during the 3rd week of January.
I am very excited for Kelly and Megan and for the fact that they are going in a definite direction with all of this.
But I would be lying if I didn't say that I am incredibly disappointed to find out that I will not be working on this with them.
Kelly and I sat down at the beginning of December and discussed, in great detail, a show called "A Bench at the Edge". Now, while I was not going to be acting much in the show, I was still going to be a very big part of the production. I told her, about two weeks ago, that I was going to be unable to start working on the show until the second week of January due to my schedule being completely filled up with two jobs, Christmas, and a boyfriend moving to New York City. She didn't seem too keen on waiting for me and has since changed everything with Megan. I understand why she did what she did, but it does sting a bit.
I was really excited.
Kelly sees me as a "consultant" for this new show. I am more than willing to help in whatever way I can, but through all of this, I have learned that I can't count on anyone else to get me started.
I have to get me started. I thought that working on this production with Kelly and her friend Megan was a great opportunity for me to dip my foot into the "acting" pool again; a way to feel and experience again what theater is all about before I try to go out and face the big, bad, scary world that is awaiting me.
But this isn't going to happen.
I feel a bit defeated today.
I guess this is what a career in acting is all about anyway. Nothing is ever a sure thing and ideas get formulated and changed all the time. It is the actor's responsibility to just go with the flow.
Which is what I will do.
:(
I truly hope that I will be able to get myself into an acting class and production come the new year. I want 2003 to be a lot different than 2001 and 2002 were. As I have said a million times previous, it takes one day to change your life.
Maybe January 1st will be this day.
:)
It is so hard to stay positive when there are constant curve balls being thrown at you.
I know I keep saying how much things are changing around me, but I must say it again:
Things are changing, drastically and fast.
Paul is increasingly more lonely in NYC despite the fact that I am there for him. I work way too much.
Rita is going through so many new changes and experiences.
Kelly is moving forward with her life and career.
I am working two jobs that are doing nothing, but making me feel inept and worthless.
I am poor.
And most importantly, I haven't been genuinely happy in months.
When is rock bottom?
How do I know if I have reached it?
I wish I could figure this all out.
I hate being 25.
I hope you do exactly what you want to do on this beautiful Tuesday. Enjoy it to the absolute fullest. You are my best friend and my lover.
cept not so much lover. Damn that pesky twat of yours! I love you! DO IT UP DAWG!
Now back to me...
:)
I don't know why, but I am having the worst day on the planet. I feel sad, angry, lonely, and just about every other nasty emotion possible in the human body. I don't get it. I woke up alive and rested (although I only got 5 hours of sleep) and ready to tackle my shit day. I am starting to get a headache and I have done nothing to make it go away. I haven't done even a second of Christmas shopping and we are just about a week away. I don't want to spend the money and I know that the money I will spend will not be enough for me to do anything really special for my family. It is a bit frustrating, but not one of the reasons why I am miserable today.
Will get to all of this in a minute.
I walked into the Gap last night with my mind made up. I was giving my two weeks notice and that was that! So I sit down with my General Manager and this is how the convesation went:
Me: Hi Kat. Thank you again for being so supportive and flexible with my schedule over the last week. I truly appreciate it.
Kat: No problem Joe. We are here for you as your boss and as your friend.
Me: (gagging) Right. Um...ok. Unfortunately, I think Saturday is going to be my last day.
Kat: What?? Why is that?
Me: Well, you see, I am unable to work from 12/23 - 1/3 (BIG NO NO in the seasonal retail world) and then after that, my availability is going to change drastically because I will be rehearsing for an upcoming show. (or so I thought last night)
Kat: Ok. Why can't you work during the week after Christmas?
Me: I want to spend the time with my family and my brother. He is here for two weeks and considering the fact that I haven't seen him in almost a year, I think it would be appropriate for me to spend as much time with him as I can.
Kat: Well, I understand completely where you are coming from and I would like you to know that we value you immensely as an employee here. I want you to stay on at least through the season. Take all the time you need over Christmas and New Years. I will put you back on the schedule starting on January 3rd.
Me: (UGH! I can't quit this job to save my life!) Wow. That is incredibly generous of you.
Kat: What would your availability be once you returned on January 3rd?
Me: I have full availability from 1/3 - 1/10, but after that I am only able to work Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 6-11pm and then Saturdays from 12-6pm. It's not much and I know you hired me for seasonal, but that is what I am going to have to do.
Kat: I think that's fine. We would rather have you on staff than not, so why don't you write down this new availability and I will work around it.
Me: (UM!) Ok...thank you so much for being so understanding and helpful. When does the season end?
Kat: Seasonal employees are hired for about 3 months and then depending on the stores' needs, you may or may not be asked to join us full time. (meaning part time hours, but full gap employee status)(my biggest nightmare on the planet)
Me: Great. Then I guess we can meet by the end of January to discuss my future employment here.
Kat: Sounds good to me. And again Joe, I want you to know that we really do value the work you do here. It does not go unnoticed.
We hug.
----END SCENE----
It is quite clear to me that I am going to be working at the Gap for the rest of my life. You would think that one fake sick day, one fake death, and then completely changing my availability to suit my needs and my needs alone would be cause enough for a firing. But no! These people love me more for it.
Ah geez...on the plus side...I will still be making cash, which is nice. My last paycheck was for $412 and that looks very nice sitting in my savings account. :)
My goal is to have $1000 in there before this whole Gap thing is through.
I can't wait to work my last shift there on Saturday. The 10 days off from both of my jobs is just about the best Christmas present I could ever get.
Thank you for being born baby Jeebus.
I had a wonderful conversation with my mother this morning. She made me laugh pretty hard and she assisted in making this day just a bit better for me. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to stop the avalanche that is my personal strength today.
Tumbling and rolling down the mountain goes my optimistic view on life.
Kelly and I had a talk this morning about the show she and Megan are putting up next year. They are now doing three different shows that will perform at three different times throughout the year. Originally they were going to start work on a show called
Stupid Kids in January. I did this show in college and it was by FAR my favorite script to work with. It is a wonderful play, so complex and intriguing. It's a true audience favorite as well. I was very VERY excited to come back from Christmas and start work on this.
Unfortunately, Kelly tells me this morning that they have now decided to start work on this show in late April. They will be doing another show called Sexual Perversity in Chicago first. Work on this production will begin sometime during the 3rd week of January.
I am very excited for Kelly and Megan and for the fact that they are going in a definite direction with all of this.
But I would be lying if I didn't say that I am incredibly disappointed to find out that I will not be working on this with them.
Kelly and I sat down at the beginning of December and discussed, in great detail, a show called "A Bench at the Edge". Now, while I was not going to be acting much in the show, I was still going to be a very big part of the production. I told her, about two weeks ago, that I was going to be unable to start working on the show until the second week of January due to my schedule being completely filled up with two jobs, Christmas, and a boyfriend moving to New York City. She didn't seem too keen on waiting for me and has since changed everything with Megan. I understand why she did what she did, but it does sting a bit.
I was really excited.
Kelly sees me as a "consultant" for this new show. I am more than willing to help in whatever way I can, but through all of this, I have learned that I can't count on anyone else to get me started.
I have to get me started. I thought that working on this production with Kelly and her friend Megan was a great opportunity for me to dip my foot into the "acting" pool again; a way to feel and experience again what theater is all about before I try to go out and face the big, bad, scary world that is awaiting me.
But this isn't going to happen.
I feel a bit defeated today.
I guess this is what a career in acting is all about anyway. Nothing is ever a sure thing and ideas get formulated and changed all the time. It is the actor's responsibility to just go with the flow.
Which is what I will do.
:(
I truly hope that I will be able to get myself into an acting class and production come the new year. I want 2003 to be a lot different than 2001 and 2002 were. As I have said a million times previous, it takes one day to change your life.
Maybe January 1st will be this day.
:)
It is so hard to stay positive when there are constant curve balls being thrown at you.
I know I keep saying how much things are changing around me, but I must say it again:
Things are changing, drastically and fast.
Paul is increasingly more lonely in NYC despite the fact that I am there for him. I work way too much.
Rita is going through so many new changes and experiences.
Kelly is moving forward with her life and career.
I am working two jobs that are doing nothing, but making me feel inept and worthless.
I am poor.
And most importantly, I haven't been genuinely happy in months.
When is rock bottom?
How do I know if I have reached it?
I wish I could figure this all out.
I hate being 25.
